Why would I want to understand women? Women understand women, and they hate each other.
~Al Bundy
In psychology and economics, a bias is a systematic pattern of deviation from objective or rational judgment, where individuals’ thoughts, beliefs, and decisions are influenced by preconceived notions, cultural expectations, or mental shortcuts. They are tendencies that occur within predictable circumstances or contexts where individuals or groups often enough make decisions that deviate from purely rational or optimal economic choices, often due to personal preferences, social influences, or psychological factors. In short, biases can distort how we perceive reality, how we interpret information, and ultimately how we act and react.
Being aware of our biases and understanding how they operate, especially those hardwired into us through genetics or social conditioning is extremely useful, because doing so allows us to plan for them; both with respect to neutralizing their employment against us, for exploiting them against our adversaries, or, for helping others change beliefs, opinions, and attitudes.
Consider The "Women Are Wonderful Effect"...
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when a person experiences a conflict between their beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors, creating mental discomfort or tension. This discomfort arises because holding contradictory thoughts or engaging in actions that conflict with one’s values challenges a person’s self-concept, often motivating them to resolve the inconsistency.
As I write this, the corporate media and the Democratic party are all in a tizzy, seemingly perplexed at the results of the 2024 elections where Republicans swept the board despite an immensely flawed presidential candidate and a widely unpopular Christian nationalist movement sweeping through the Republican party. You can literally see the cognitive dissonance rolling off the pundits, media personalities, politicians, and political operatives involved, because the key to the Republican victory was their successful harvesting of non-college educated male votes across races and ethnicities; a traditionally low turn-out voting block, and one that Democrats used to dominate, especially with respect to the Latino community.
As I watched the commentary, it became clear to me that both the media and democratic politicals are completely flummoxed, they seem lost as to what to do and what their brand is. In the end and with respect to the male vote, many of them seem to be resorting to a traditional knee-jerk reaction of accusing these voters of idolizing Donald Trump because he is able to “escape accountability and responsibility”.
Basically, instead of asking “Why did this happen? How did this happen? What can we do to change things?” The are attempting to shame men for their voting choices by labeling their vote irresponsible.
In other words, they are resorting to and doubling down on the same dysfunctional practices, policies, and social shaming tactics that have led to what has helped create their mess in the first place.
It is true that non-college educated men (and women) were hit particularly hard by COVID-induced inflation. It is also true that the Biden Administration’s communication strategy for managing the remedy to it was gloriously incompetent. Because rather than acknowledge the problem, connect with those feeling the pain, and keeping them regularly updated on measures and progress; Biden somewhat defensively asserted everything was fine and systematically ignored these folks.
However, I’m not writing this post to debate politics on whether or not you believe Donald Trump is a dangerous and irresponsible vote. Most Americans do believe in fact believe that he is, and yet the facts remain that he won the popular vote despite this sentiment. Well, we know how he won, but the question is, why did he win?
Well, those of us who have been involved with the family law reform have a pretty good idea as to why: Donald Trump was in no small part, an “fu” vote from a group of disenfranchised voters who have become increasingly resentful at being ignored. From my own perspective, I am no fan of Christian nationalism, BUT, I do understand why specific male demographics are becoming more willing to move in that direction, and it is the understanding that matters most, because without understanding, we cannot improve things.
Now, let us consider the “women-are-wonderful” effect. The women-are-wonderful effect is the phenomenon found in psychological and sociological research which suggests that people associate more positive attributes with women when compared to men. The term was coined in 1994 by Alice Eagly and Antonio Mladinic, who found that both men and women tend to assign positive traits to women, but women are more likely to do so.
Women are often perceived as more kind, nurturing, and morally superior compared to men. This bias can manifest as a tendency to view women as warm, communal, and caring, which can lead to a positive bias in how people perceive and interact with women, especially in social or relational contexts.
However, this positive stereotype can have both favorable and restrictive implications:
- Positive Treatment – Women may receive more favorable evaluations in areas that align with nurturing or communal roles, such as caregiving, teaching, and supportive occupations.
- Gender Expectations – While positive, these stereotypes can limit women by reinforcing traditional gender roles and expectations. Women may feel pressured to exhibit these “positive” qualities (like warmth and empathy) and may face social disapproval if they adopt behaviors perceived as assertive or competitive.
- Benevolent Sexism – The “women are wonderful” effect is related to benevolent sexism, a form of sexism that appears positive on the surface (praising women as wonderful or morally pure) but subtly reinforces traditional gender roles. Benevolent sexism can be restrictive because it suggests that women need protection or guidance from men, thus implying that women are less competent or capable in some areas.
Overall, the “women-are-wonderful” effect reflects how positive stereotypes can still perpetuate unequal gender expectations, shaping how society views and treats women in both supportive and constraining ways, and there is limited but emerging research suggesting that gender biases, including aspects similar to the women-are-wonderful effect, may influence family court outcomes. The women-are-wonderful bias (aka: predictable tendency and judgment error)—which describes the tendency to view women as more nurturing, compassionate, and morally “good”—can contribute to biases in settings like family court, where perceptions of caregiving and nurturing qualities are highly relevant.
Back To Al Bundy And Cognitive Dissonance:
Al may be a bit cynical, and though I am no woman, I suspect he is on to something. While women tend to assign more positive characteristics to women as a group than they do men, in my experience they also tend to be extremely adept at sniffing out the slightest hint of b.s. coming from their peers.
In any case, I am pretty sure the dissonant tsunami we are seeing rolling off the Democratic party and corporate media is that after decades of advancing for women and minority equality (which is great), they are unable to square out that perhaps men are becoming increasingly resentful of fighting the women-are-wonderful bias in virtually every aspect of their lives; especially since those of us who have taken a trip through the family court have updated our beliefs to be more realistic.
In short, they are lost because they cannot reconcile that non-college educated men are increasingly finding women (as a group) not so wonderful, and the reason for that (in my opinion) is due a building resentment at the way men are being treated: which is to be largely ignored, shamed, and demeaned when they stand-up for themselves.
I once put up the following meme on our social media pages and I believe it summarizes the impact of family court outcomes on male resentment and the increasing willingness of men to avoid marriage and having children fairly concisely:
Many low and middle income men cannot even afford to go to court to defend their desire to remain in the lives of their children, and those that do often enough end up bankrupting their futures in a fight that many learn is largely futile.
The reaction of voters who punished democrats for ignoring or discounting their concerns over inflationary pain, or who are victims of pathological socio-economic policies administered by family courts that predominately disenfranchise fathers should not surprise anyone, because they are symptomatic of a greater underlying root problem of shaming and ignoring men for pursuing their goals when they contradict the goals of women.
Using Positive Test Strategies To Expose False Beliefs and Reverse Judgment Errors:
Well, first, let’s get an important out principle out in the air: Happiness is not pie. In order to be happy, we do not need to make someone else unhappy.
Secondly, let’s reason out the problem, because in my experience a common mistake in response to family court helplessness is to lash out, to threaten, to try and intimidate. While this may be something that makes Donald Trump attractive to some, it most definitely will not help you earn the trust of your children or grandchildren, because anytime someone acts this way, it will be used as direct evidence by the custodial parent to validate the selfishness of their choices and you will lose the love and trust of your children.
The really good news is that being aware of a predictable tendency and understanding how it operates allows us to plan ahead and design a response that outmaneuvers it.
A positive test strategy is a psychological process that influences how information is retrieved from memory by causing individuals to selectively recall information that aligns with their current beliefs, expectations, or hypotheses. When people are trying to confirm a belief or expectation, they tend to search for and retrieve memories that support that belief, often at the expense of contradictory or neutral memories. This selective recall strengthens existing biases and can reinforce a particular narrative or viewpoint, even if it’s inaccurate or incomplete.
The short story version here is, when confronted with a question or problem, the natural response is to search memory for hits, and not misses.
An example of a positive test strategy is when someone is trying to determine whether a friend is upset with them. Instead of objectively examining all recent interactions, they may focus specifically on incidents or behaviors that might indicate anger, such as moments when the friend didn’t respond to a message quickly, seemed quiet, or avoided eye contact.
In this scenario:
- Hypothesis: The person believes their friend is upset.
- Strategy: They actively search for and recall only instances that could support this belief.
- Outcome: By ignoring times when the friend was friendly or engaging, they reinforce the idea that the friend is upset, even if it may not be true.
This selective focus on potentially confirmatory evidence is the core of a positive test strategy. It can lead to reinforcing an incorrect belief because it doesn’t involve looking for disconfirming evidence—like instances when the friend was warm or supportive, which might indicate they aren’t upset after all.
This example illustrates how positive test strategies can distort perceptions and reinforce beliefs without a balanced or accurate evaluation.
Daniel Kahneman, a psychologist known for his work on cognitive biases and decision-making, illustrated the concept of positive test strategies in his research on confirmation bias and how people seek information that aligns with their beliefs. Kahneman and his collaborator, Amos Tversky, demonstrated that when people form a hypothesis or belief, they often seek out evidence that confirms it rather than evidence that could disprove it.
In Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman describes how a positive test strategy often plays out in job interviews.
If an interviewer has an initial positive impression of a candidate (for example, from the candidate’s resume or appearance), they may ask questions that are more likely to confirm their positive perception rather than challenge it.
For instance:
- Hypothesis: The interviewer believes the candidate is competent.
- Positive Test Strategy: Instead of asking challenging questions to test the candidate’s limits, the interviewer asks questions that allow the candidate to showcase their strengths, or they interpret ambiguous answers as positive.
- Outcome: This confirmatory line of questioning reinforces the interviewer’s initial positive impression, potentially leading them to overlook weaknesses or areas of concern that could emerge if a broader range of questions were asked.
Kahneman points out that this kind of confirmatory questioning is a classic example of a positive test strategy, as it creates a self-fulfilling cycle in which the interviewer’s initial hypothesis is strengthened by selective evidence. This approach can result in biased hiring decisions because it fails to objectively assess the candidate’s overall fit for the role.
Kahneman’s work highlights that positive test strategies can distort our judgment and decision-making processes by limiting our ability to see disconfirming evidence, leading to overconfidence in our initial impressions and conclusions.
BUT, since you understand what positive test strategy is and how it works, you can also use it to your advantage.
For example, when confronted with the women-are-wonderful biased belief, you can pose the question: “Do you recall any personal experiences where women have not been wonderful or good people”?
Well, you now know what is going to happen: the recipient is going to instinctually search memory for those instances which confirm the question you asked, which will disrupt the false belief.
In fact, you can now follow up that question with something like: “Can you imagine any reasons why family court outcomes or the economy might make a good father upset enough to vote for Donald Trump, even if he didn’t particularly like him?”
Hopefully, understanding the human instinct for positive test strategy is helping you better understand not just an important aspect of human nature, but how the examples illustrate you can use positive test strategy tactically to achieve any strategic goals for re-shaping public perception.
Applications Of Positive Test Strategy To Parental Alienation:
Hopefully, after processing how positive test strategy works, you are realizing how an alienator can use it to reinforce the beliefs, attitudes, and feelings they want their children to have about the targeted parent, and as a result, why it is important that you NOT be Donald Trump when it comes to dealing with the ex. Because confronting parental alienation hard enough without serving up more ammunition to be used against you. Think several steps ahead, be smart, keep your instinctual responses and emotions in check.
Understanding and utilizing positive test strategy alone against the alienator or for the benefit of your children will likely not be sufficient by itself to deal with the problem, but, it will an extremely important component of any comprehensive plan and overall strategy you put together.
With respect to the alienator, you should expect they will manage any cognitive dissonance that arises from their goals and behavior that you provoke by literally manufacturing a narrative that rationalizes away their conflicting beliefs about themselves and keeps providing them the illusion that everything they are doing is noble and good.
With respect to your children, you will have to be patient, smart, persistent and remain positive. Don’t bad mouth the alienator. Don’t try to help your children reason out what you want them to know or try and persuade them to adopt your view. Just have specific goals for each encounter, be positive, and be in the moment.
Positive test strategy is a tactical maneuver to be used in a bigger, better, more comprehensive plan, and not and end all solution. Still if you are willing to learn how to use it, the benefits can be limitless!
