The Lie

The Myth Of The Absent Parent

Do legitimate deadbeat parents exist?

Yup, of course they do, and while we don’t understand that, we’re not denying the problem.

Both parental alienation and child abandonment are stories of selfishness, greed, and cruelty, and our hope is that you’ve come to understand that what you’ve been led to believe may be at best, only the part of the story that serves the author of it, and at worst, entirely fabricated.

No parent, in fact no person is perfect, and the most effective lies are seeded by a small kernels of truth for the simple reason that they make the bigger lies wrapped around them more believable.

We have provided you with a lot of information to digest, both within this page and with the expert testimony linked throughout it.  You’ve learned that:

  • Parental Alienation is the process by which a parent is systematically erased from the life of a child by (i) the psychological manipulation of the child, and/or (ii) the manipulation of the legal system.

  • Alienating parents tend display characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They are incapable of separating their own needs from those of their children, and are comfortable with dishonesty and deception when those means justify the ends that serve them best.

  • There are 17 clinically validated strategies for achieving parental alienation, all of which can be boiled down to positioning the other parent as unloving, unavailable, or dangerous;  creating child-dependency, and reinforcing that dependency with an ultimatum that the child is prohibited from having a relationship with both parents.

  • Parental Alienation is widely recognized by psychologists and psychiatrists as a form of child abuse and domestic violence. Both alienated children and targeted parents display symptoms of abuse because they are in fact, being abused. Clinical studies have shown that parental alienation produces significant and long-lasting psychological damage to parents and children alike.

  • False allegations of abuse (especially sexual abuse) have become a weapon of choice for severely alienating parents. The tactic is effective for numerous reasons: (1) There need be no actual evidence, (2) If presented correctly, the allegations will carry no punishment when shown to be false, (3) The legal system’s response to the allegations reinforces the alienator’s desire for their children to associate the targeted parent as a threat, (4) The injury to the targeted parent is permanent, and (5) the physical, emotional, and financial stress caused by the allegations and the legal system’s response to them are both dangerous and crushing.  False allegations of abuse are an incalculably viscous and ruthless tactic, made all the more tragic by the fact that fraudulent accusers selfishly consume resources legitimate victims need to be safe.

  • Existing family law enables and empowers parental alienation. It is in the interests of the sixty billion dollar a year family court industry to encourage and aggravate conflict between parents, and child custody disputes, parental alienation, and false allegations of abuse are a lucrative source of business. Furthermore, in the United States, state governments have a financial incentive to minimize or eliminate parenting time with the non-custodial parent because fewer overnights typically results in a higher child support order which enhances federal bonus pools and the federal funding they receive. Incentives for the enforcement of custody orders are virtually non-existent, and despite the wide latitude family court judges are awarded with the “best interests of children” doctrine, few show any desire use the court’s power to intervene on matters outside of child support orders. Custody order violations are rarely (if ever) punished while child support orders are brutally enforced. The on-going abuses and exploitation of parents and children exist, in no small part, because remedying the problem is inconvenient to the financial and political interests of states, politicians, the family court industry, and the courts.

The point here is this: there is good reason not to trust what you may have heard about an absent parent. If parental alienation is a story about selfishness, greed, and abuse, it is also a story that cannot stand without a great deal of dishonesty, deception, and the systematic gaslighting of children and targeted parents.

There is little doubt that alienating parents view themselves as both the victim and the hero, a fact plainly evident by their demands that everyone else is obligated to drown them in admiration for both of these delusions.

They’re not hard to identify: Disrupt their manipulations, remove their ability to control and dominate others, challenge them on an untruth – Simply deny them anything they want for themselves and watch the explosion of narcissistic rage that will assuredly follow.

Narcissists don’t have genuine relationships because everything is transactional and they’ll give only if they get more for themselves in return. To a narcissist, people are disposable – objects to be thrown away when they no longer have a use for them.

What should be evident by this point is that despite popular myth, family court custody orders have little do with awarding custody to the “best” parent or center around the “best interests of children”, because all too often, custody is awarded to the parent demonstrating unapologetic selfishness, ruthlessness, dishonesty, or abusiveness. Admirable traits for lawyers, perhaps, but hardly healthy behaviors to model for children.

Family law has been engineered to create to conflict over child custody because it’s lucrative for the legal industry.  That conflict encourages parental alienation, and parental alienation encourages false or fraudulent allegations of abuse. And any one of these causes can lead to the creation of an absent parent who, despite his or her best efforts, simply does not have the emotional or financial means to afford the ongoing fight.

Still, the targeted parent may work hard to try and remain involved with their children, but if the alienating parent refuses the phone calls, if gifts are re-labeled or thrown out, if custody orders are ignored or time with the children is denied, or if the alienating parent remains hostile and uncooperative, what can done?

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